


To You, Red (Or "I'll Drink to That")

by Jaded



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Denial of longing, Drinks with strangers, Gen, Longing, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:03:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6622579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaded/pseuds/Jaded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unlikely friends in unlikely places for Mara Jade, but then again, what's new? This takes place a after the events of "I, Jedi" and before the "Hand of Thraw" duology.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To You, Red (Or "I'll Drink to That")

"To you, Red," I called across the mostly empty Brandt Moreau Cantina.

 

I raised my glass of Corellian whiskey and downed it with a hideous smack of my lips. Although a little uncouth with the inhalation of the alcohol, I was able to restrain a monster of a belch by dropping my face to the counter and muffling it. I was, after all, in the presence of a lady.

 

And what a lady she was. Fine specimen of womanhood if I ever saw one, and I wasn't some boy just off the moisture farm. I'd seen my share of women.

 

If I had been completely sober at the time, I might have been able to muster up my wealth of charm swept her off her feet. However, being worse for the better and being in-between trading runs, I had earlier decided that there was only so much time allotted for drinking myself into contentment, and time was not a commodity I was willing to waste.

 

At that moment she glared at me, and a rather nasty one at that. Shrugging if off, I motioned for her to take the seat next to mine at the bar. My cool demeanor and unshakability must have intrigued her because she came up to the bar. Eckhart the bartender snorted with laughter. I dismissed him with a hand. Jealous, I thought.

 

I cleared my throat. "Where you from?" I called with a coy smile positioned on my face.

 

Pause. Fifteen seconds of silence.

 

I cleared my throat again, this time loudly.

 

That, (to put it lightly) caused a reaction. Certainly not what I had bargained for. She whipped her head viciously in my direction and glowered down on me with green eyes like a double barreled blaster in the process of firing. I wanted to clear my throat again, or at least open my windpipe, but I could not.

 

Bless his heart though, Eckhart. He saved me by returning with the drink she had ordered. The flaming Vangoff that she had requested burned on top a bright cobalt blue, and she turned away from me for a moment to tend to her drink. I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I had been holding.

 

Yet I was not yet in the clear. She turned to me again, this time claws fully extended.

 

"When someone consistently ignores you that usually signals that they want to be left alone," she said in a voice colder than the dead of winter on Hoth.

 

I swallowed air and tried not to betray my cool exterior. "Yet I have your attention now," I pointed out in a voice that conveyed more courage that I actually had. "Persistence-it works."

 

She seemed to consider my words and while she was doing that, I took the opportunity and repeated my question.

 

"So, where are you from?"

 

She blew on her drink, killing the flame. She took a sip of it, letting the smooth alcohol slide down her throat. Not even a flinch as she nursed one of the strongest drinks I have ever gotten to known here at 'Ro Cantina. I was beginning to wonder about exactly what I was doing.

 

She seemed to take it in stride. I was beginning to feel better about decisions I made while slightly intoxicated. She appraised me, and eyebrow arched. I hoped that was a good sign.

 

"Where are _you_ from?" she countered.

 

This sobered me up-quick. It was my turn to look away. I pulled nervously at my beard.

 

"Carida," I said quietly.

 

Though I didn't look, I could feel her mood change. And I didn't have to be a Jedi Knight to know that. The already quiet cantina seemed to grow even quieter.

 

"I'm sorry," she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth, an awkwardness in her apology. I suppose they weren't words she said often.

 

I shrugged. Although it still hurt, I couldn't dwell too long in the past . . . "You had no hand it in," I said, trying to sound more jovial. "No need to apologize. It was really never really that much of a home to me. . ."

 

She seemed to cringe, contemplating my comment. This time, thirty seconds of silence. Finally she turned to me, hand extended. A little startled, it took me a second to recover before I did the same.

 

"Mara Jade," she said with a small smile.

 

I returned it. I don't think she doled them out often, and who was I to refuse a lady's hand?

 

"Sinan Pius," I said, firmly shaking her hand. "Nice to meet you, Red."

 

We sat again in silence, both of us contemplating our drinks. Noting mine was empty I only did what was natural.

 

"Eckhart, another whiskey," I ordered. I jabbed my finger towards my empty glass. "On ice this time." He raised an eyebrow. "I'm trying to mix things up," I growled. He guffawed and moved away to get me my drink.

 

"Is Corellian whiskey the only thing people in this blasted universe drink?" Mara noted, casting me a sidelong glance.

 

"Why settle for less when you have the best?"

 

"Valid point, Pius," she said, "but sometimes it does you some good to get away from it-so you can appreciate it and try other things in the meanwhile." From the way she said it, I got the impression that she wasn't just talking about liquor.

 

I shrugged. "Been there, done that."

 

Twenty seconds of silence. She broke the silence this time.

 

"I don't know where I'm from," she said flatly and without looking at me. "You could say I'm from everywhere and nowhere." She let her index finger dance around the rim of her glass. It sang a ghostly note before dying away.

 

I took it as much that she had been an orphan. Maybe a slave. I frowned. Planets, or star systems didn't blow up that often-well, maybe lately they did, but that was an anomaly. I took a chance.

 

"I don't have any family either. Well," I paused, "none that I was close to. When Carida, well you know," I said with a weak gesture, "most of the people I cared for had already long gone. But there was someone . . ." I hesitated.

 

"The girl you left behind," she finished.

 

I started. "You read my thoughts," I exclaimed. She gave me a mysterious look and let me continue. I took a sip of my refreshed whiskey and let the slow burn dance down my throat. "Not like that though. A friend." I suddenly felt even more somber. "The very best, and I left her there for the girl that would eventually leave me behind."

 

"What was her name?"

 

"Tessana Triat." I hitched, realizing that wasn't who Red was asking about. "Y'Caterine Bosch," I corrected. The name exited my mouth, strange and foreign. It had been years since I had last thought of her and it made me feel infinitely sad that I had let her slip so far back in my memory. "She might have made it out," I continued, not wanting to wallow. "She always talked about traveling off world . . ."

 

I looked at this Mara Jade again and tried to read her better. And I got nothing. She was an enigma. "I wish I knew . . ." I continued but faltered.

 

"She might still be alive," Mara said with a slight inclination of her head.

 

"How about you?" I countered, now jarred by the memory of my lost friend.

 

"Me?" she snorted.

 

"What brings you hear to this lonely cantina?"

 

"Fuel stop," she replied matter-of-factly.

 

"Not running away from a broken heart?" I joked. And then I wish I hadn't.

 

She turned methodically, one arm resting on the counter top, the other quickly approaching the top of my shirt collar. I gulped as her eyes shot daggers into my face and out the back of my head.

 

"What did you say?"

 

Between hyperventilating and trying to breathe, I somehow was able to manage a word or two.

 

"I was just joking," I rasped. "Because it sounded like I was . . . so I . . ." Her eyes seem to glaze over. I hoped it was her calming and not the alcohol taking effect. Her grip loosened on my collar but she did not let go.

 

"I meant no harm," I finally managed. Cautiously I maneuvered to get out of her hold. Watching her I could see the effort she was exerting to calm herself. Seeing her visibly relax I took the opportunity to pry her fingers loose from the collar of my flight suit and took a great big breath of air.

 

Disdainfully, she dusted off her flight suit. "I do not run," she said with an almost sad sigh, "from anyone." Her voice faded and suddenly she was very far away. However the look of regret soon passed. "I just came from visiting an friend," she told me. "Just a friend."

 

Lifting my quivering hand, I raised my glass to her. "Then to friends," I said. I waited to see her reaction. She hesitated, but after a moment did likewise.

 

Her eyes seemed to concentrate on the liquid contents of her drink, but on a second look I noticed that she was not looking at the drink, but through it. Her voice was edged and sardonic, but she returned the toast. She gave me a nod. "I'll drink to that."

 

"What else will you drink to?" I asked a moment later, in hopes of continuing the conversation. I was feeling lonely and the sound of any voice-aside from that of Eckhart's-was welcome. I gave her a hopeful smile.

 

"You buying?" she asked, testing the waters.

 

I slapped down a bag of credits onto the counter. Eckhart eyed the bag hungrily as he dried glasses not too far from where we sat. "Naturally," I said.

 

"You're a good man, Pius," she said before she took a last draw and finished up her drink. "So what's on tap now?"

 

I ordered two more shots of Corellian whiskey and we sat, contemplating our next toast. I swirled the contents of my glass, admiring its warm amber color.

 

"What's the name of your ship, Sinan?" she asked suddenly, finally trying out my first name.

 

"The Spearhead. Why do you ask?"

 

"Its a good name," she said. "A toast to our ships," she decided, raising a glass high which obscured one green eye. "To the Spearhead and the Jade's Fire. May they remain the swiftest in space, and the best of friends to their pilots." On three we both downed the whiskey. I cringed a bit, but the smile that the warmth brought to my face soon after was all worth it. With two drinks in her-rather strong ones at that-she still held cool and unshaken like transparisteel.

 

"And to the solitary life it allows," she said, continuing the toast even though we were without drinks. Either way though, I don't think I would have toasted to that.

 

"Solitary life?" I echoed. "Why that? Isn't that sort of what people . . . don't want?" My head was spinning. I tried to wish it away. It didn't work. "I don't particularly like being lonely."

 

"Loneliness is a choice," she said with a shrug. "It's a lot less complicated. Relationships tie you down to places and people. And sometimes . . ." she seemed to think on it, "sometimes if you go seeking them, you come out on the short end." She motioned for Eckhart and the man came gliding in like a slug towards her, but she motioned for him to be off though as soon as he had deposited a bottle between the two of us. She refilled our glasses and her eyes became hard. "Sometimes you get ignored, and it's not worth the pain." She took a brief taste. "There are so many other effective ways to cause pain," she continued without the slightest change in her voice, "and those scars can heal much faster."

 

I had to agree with her on that. Tessana still stung like acid on an open wound. "But isn't it worth it sometimes?" I had to ask. "Even for the briefest moment-that happiness?" I smiled to myself at that comment. Maybe I needed to drink more often. It seemed to make me sound smarter.

 

"Maybe." She took a quick look at my cup and promptly refilled it. No argument from me. I picked it up again. "But you have to know what you want for yourself first," she continued. "I see half the galaxy jumping into these terrible relationships because they're desperate for about anything, but they're incomplete people, and these couplings never work out. Maybe I'm just surrounded by stupid people." She sighed and gave me a look. If I had been sober . . . who was I kidding? I wasn't even near sober anymore. I rested my head on the counter.

 

"You know what you want with your life, yet?" I asked.

 

She took a moment, mental lists running through her head.

 

"Well . . ."

 

Thirty-two seconds of silence.

 

"Honestly?" I added.

 

She pressed her lips together until they grew thin and straight. They grew full again when she answered. "I want a new life," she answered, a pinch of wistfulness in her voice.

 

"A new life? Was the old one so bad?" I asked with a slight smile.

 

Mara Jade looked as though she were ready to burst out in laughter. "You have _no_ idea, Pius." She paused and added to her statement. "It wasn't so much bad. It seemed cut-and-dry then, but in retrospect, it was very, very complicated."

 

"More complicated relationships, huh?" I asked.

 

"You could say that. I ran in some pretty high-profile circles back then. I do now too, I suppose," she finished upon more introspection.

 

I reached for the whiskey bottle. "That's nice," I drawled with a sleepy smile plastered on my face. On impulse, I reached out a hand and slapped the table. The dizziness was beginning to feel nice. "What else though, Red? I mean, you say you just want a new life, but what exactly does that mean? Myself, I could go for some redecoration done on the Spearhead-new seats, a new hyperdrive . . . and," I said with an even sillier grin, "a life's supply of this here Corellian wonder-fluid."

 

"I think you're drunk, Pius."

 

"I think you're right, Red!" I raised a finger in the air to emphasize my next statement. A statement which I immediately forget, but that wasn't about to stop me. "What was my point?" I asked.

 

She shrugged.

 

I rubbed my temples and sighed. We sat there a little longer and 'Ro Cantina was still dead. The slight buzz was gone, and although not completely there, I was, admittedly, lucid, and that fact did me no favors. "What I'm saying . . ." I struggled. "You said you liked being alone, but, I just can't agree with you. I mean yeah, it anchors you down, but look at me." She did. I wasn't sure what to make of her appraisal. "I left Tessana, what, two years ago, but have I gotten over it? I fly around place to place, make my money and then I run. Who do I got?" I picked up the half-empty bottle of Corellian. "This is my best friend," I grimaced. I looked at her, all earnesty. "If I were you, I'd go back to my friend and stay for a while."

 

She laughed bitterly, and in that I learned more about her than she would probably ever offer me in words. "Let's have another drink," she said, avoiding comment on my suggestion. The alcohol haze drew me in, and I conceded as we prepared for the next toast.

 

"How about this," she suggested. "What I want is freedom." She pointed to my glass. "A toast to freedom."

 

I gulped down another shot and poured more into my glass. "To freedom then!" I shouted. Eckhart glared. I ignored. "And to the New Republic!" I continued. I was on a roll. Maybe those two things didn't directly correlate, but in my state at that time, everything did.

 

She raised both eyebrows this time, glass suspended in air. "If we must," she said mysteriously. She lifted the glass to her lips. "And to their idealistic heroes?" she offered.

 

"Oh yes," I nodded. "Love them, especially." I leaned towards her and rapped her gently on the shoulder. "I've always wanted to meet Luke Skywalker," I whispered. " He's my idol,"

 

Red gave me the most curious look then, and she had given me quite the share tonight. "Luke Skywalker?"

 

Nodding, I shot my hands out like an exploding star, fingers spread out wide.

 

"I am Luke Skywalker!" I wheezed enthusiastically, wriggling each digit frantically in her face. Mara, with an annoyed glance, reached out and swatted both of my hands down with one quick blow.

 

"Hey!" I shouted as I slumped dejectedly back in my seat.

 

"I'm almost starting to tolerate you, Pius. Don't start getting on my nerves."

 

I wrung my hands in despair as I lifted them to my face and pressed the back of my hand on my cheek. I felt feverishly warm. Moaning, I grabbed again for the bottle of Corellian, but Red beat me to it. The last blow, I thought. I moaned yet again and began rocking in my seat.

 

"Not being so pious, are you?" she commented. She gave me the once-over again. "Stop acting like a little boy," she snapped, "you're giving space traders a bad name."

 

I pouted, but only for a very, brief moment. Very brief. "Why don't you believe in Jedi?" I finally mumbled, somewhat coherently.

 

"Who said I didn't?"

 

My brow furrowed. "But . . . what were we talking about? Luke Skywalker?"

 

She frowned slightly. "More or less, yes."

 

"He's my hero, you know."

 

"I know."

 

I stroked my beard again, thinking of what to say next. It looked like I had her full attention. "I wish I could be like him. A Jedi Master . . ." I breathed. "I bet he's never like this," I said indicating my sad state.

 

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," she snorted. "Jedi Masters have their off moments. A lot more often than you'd think they would."

 

"But, Red!" I cried, "he saved the galaxy! I mean, most people would be dead if they tried that kind of poodoo. I even heard," I said, letting my voice drop to a near-whisper, "that a few years ago, some bounty hunter was after him and would stop at nothing until he was dead."

 

"Really?" she mused, an eye-brow raised. "You know who this was?"

 

I shrugged. "I just hear things, you know." I sighed again. "You think that with the whole universe adoring him-Skywalker that is-well, with the exception of the empire . . ."

 

"And assorted individuals," Mara Jade added.

 

"And assorted individuals," I repeated, "do you think he ever gets . . .lonely? Like we do?"

 

She considered this. "I can assure you, he does," she finally said in a quiet voice. "People who go through all that he has in such a short amount of time-they tend to be beyond other people in terms of wisdom and beliefs. He probably finds it hard to connect to others-especially when he's trying to single-handedly defend the universe from destruction."

 

"Well I hope he finds someone eventually," I concluded.

 

"The right person," Mara agreed distantly. "You too, Pius," she amended after a pause. "I hope you do, too." She moved to stand up. Again, she offered me her hand. "It was actually nice meeting you, Captain Pius. Maybe I'll see you around the cantina again."

 

I shook her hand. "Thanks for sitting with me," I said, looking at her through blood-shot eyes.

 

"Who said I was sitting with you?" she joked. "Near-maybe." With that, she exited the room, shoulders straight, gait proud, and rightly so. She gave me a final wave without turning as her form disappeared through the doors.

 

"To you, Red!" I shouted as the last flicker of her red-gold hair disappeared. Recalling an earlier part of our conversation, I raised my empty glass. Eckhart looked on. "I hope you find someone too."

**Author's Note:**

> Old story, new website. Unedited from the original. Posting this with one hand covering my eyes.


End file.
